Friday, May 15, 2009

The Amazing Race Presidential Edition

The Amazing Race Presidential Edition has just commenced!

Less than a year to go before the national elections, presidentibles have lined themselves up and declared, in words or in deeds, their intention of winning the highest electoral post.

Political analyst Tony Gaimaitan has counted 14 candidates for the presidency. That's easy you say, even a layman can surmise who's in the running and who wishes to be in the running. There have already been lots of talks, speculations if you will, as to who will team up with up, surveys of "winnable" candidates, a barage of tv ads (and radio blocktimers) that espouse so many pro-poor advocacies, and muscle-flexing of political machineries.

What are the perks of this job that people just can't resist signing up and pursuing this inspite of a meager salary?

One, winning this coveted price entitles you to your very own army. Nobody can just push you around (except those that you let) or say things that will be detrimental to you stature. Anyone who doesn't toe the official line gets booted out, for life sometimes, or just scared out their wits permanently by hooded motorcycle-riding gunmen in broad daylight.

Second, this entitles you and your family to countless government contracts that you can effect in office. Every government contract automatically allots a percentage of "goodwill money"
for you and the first family.

Thirdly, the winner of The Amazing Race Presidential Edition secures your place in a society
of bootleggers and speculators. You get to travel the world, all-expenses paid by the Filipino people's taxes, with the entourage of your choice. Experience hobnobbing with world figures and hope that their popularity rubs off on you.

And lastly, this ensures immunity for you and your family inspite of getting embroiled in the dirtiest of scams. As long as you hold the title to the crown, you can rule as long as you want, however you want to.

All you need is a well-oiled political machinery composed not neccessarily of the most intelligent and sincere public servants but those who are thick-faced and strong of stomach politicians who can devise the most devious legislations to make your crimes legitimate.

All aspirants must submit their entry forms on November 2009.

Heck, you can start campaigning now!

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